I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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