She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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