i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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