you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
