We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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