I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
