my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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