i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
