I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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