Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
