Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
