I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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