You're completely useless in the revolution.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
