farters have to be the big spoon...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
