He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize