i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Small penises have feelings too.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
