you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
