Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
