Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
