don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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