I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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