dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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