somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
