Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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