Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
