elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
