I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
