This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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