Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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