So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Randomize
