I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
