giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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