Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
