evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
