gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Never joke about your clitoris.
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