finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
