why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
