I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
