if you like me you must not know who I am
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
