hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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