It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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