you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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