I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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