I just cut my nipple shaving
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
