I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
