Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
