I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
