1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
