when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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