My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
