What did we do last night that was yellow?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize