suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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