I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
