My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
