Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This house was built for laser tag.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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