Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
even my farts smell like vagina
bring money and cleavage
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
