I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
