I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
