it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
