so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up under a house in Key West
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