Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
