Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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