True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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