im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My dick has a subreddit
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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