you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
