i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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