help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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