All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
