I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize