yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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