I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
