saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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